Broken

Here is another note I wrote a couple of months ago. Rereading them is encouraging on one of these days that I feel despairing:

There have been many days I’ve felt worthless because of the physical ailments I have. Some days I just feel that I can’t get passed them. What can I accomplish when there are days I don’t even want to get out of bed? How can I be effective and influential when it’s all I can do to get through the day? These questions cling and nag and ultimately break me down.

Two mornings ago, I was lying in bed thinking. It was probably around 5:00 AM. I was frustrated because I couldn’t sleep and I could tell I wasn’t going to feel well that day. Self-pity consumed my thoughts and mentally I cried out to God, “What can I accomplish with a broken body?” Before the thought was even completed, He told me, “That’s how Jesus saved the world.” Talk about a spirit check. I lay there in awe of His soft rebuke. Not that I expect to save the world, but such comforting and chiding words gave me a glimpse of God’s perspective. This time is not an opportunity to “poor me” myself to death but a time to ask what it is I can learn and what it is He wants of me.

Thank you, Father, for your infinite wisdom. Forgive me for my doubt.